Tomorrow I have to leave my house an hour before I usually do, so that pest control can turn my apartment into a 150-degree oven for 8 hours.

I’ve been anxious all day, reading prep lists from different pest companies, which seem so much more detailed than the one I was given.  Mine doesn’t list anything I can put in a box that’s labeled “DO NOT HEAT”–it just says that candles and oil paintings should go in the bathroom.  So I threw away my few aerosol cans and the toiletries that say they can’t be stored above 100 degrees, and will just replace them later.  Who knows what my granola bars will look like when I get home tomorrow…

I wasn’t sure about unbagging my clothes–most lists I read said to do that beforehand, but my list makes no mention of it–so I called the place, and the guy who’s treating me said to leave them bagged and keep them out of the bathroom, so I went through them and made sure they aren’t too tightly packed in there … they’re just on my coat rack and in my drawers, still.  That feels weird, but I guess the heat will still get in there, and they were all put through the dryer before being bagged, so it’s probably fine.  God knows I’ll probably run them all through the dryer again before I wear them anyway, such is my paranoia.

My furniture is out from the walls–enough that they can get behind it all with a vacuum, anyway.  With only 275 square feet to work with, there isn’t much room to move things around.  I hope it’s enough.  It’s still hard to get behind my desk, but I’ve done what I can, and will hope for the best.

The windows will all be closed tightly before I leave tomorrow, to keep air from leaking out–the wind is supposed to be out of the north, so that should help, since all my windows face south.  I couldn’t find any rope caulk with such short notice, so I’ll have to cross my fingers that it’s okay without it.

Now I just need to talk myself down from this worry that it won’t work.  They’re doing all of our apartments at the same time, which makes me feel better, because there’s nowhere for them to run or hide, and no delay between that could let them escape. Our walls will all be hot at the same time.  They’ve done this before.  All the forums say this is the only thing that got rid of people’s bugs for good.  I have to trust this.  I have to believe in the process.

I had thought about celebrating on Saturday, but I read somewhere that you can’t be sure you’re bug free until you’ve gone between 21 and 60 days without any sign of a bug, so I’m inclined to wait.  But I wonder whether putting that hesitant, frightened energy out there is counterproductive.  Dare I just take success for granted and live as though it’s fine again?  The idea of a relapse scares the fuck out of me.

Inhale.  Exhale.  Cocktail (or two).  Season 7 of Archer on Netflix.

And then we’ll just see.

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