From the beginning of this, I’ve noticed a change in the way I see people and places–most notably when I went to the play. But it’s all-pervasive, and I wonder how long this will continue after my problem is resolved.
Watching commercials on tv or seeing ads on YouTube that show people sinking softly into a bed full of pillows and fluffy bedding, all I see are places bugs could hide, and all I do is envy the carefree relationships these pretend people have with their beds. Watching Friends reruns on Netflix, I think about how marvelously bug-free those apartments are, and how amazing it is that in a city as infested as New York, no one on the show ever had bedbugs. Walking into stores, I wonder what they would do if they found a bedbug anywhere–how do you treat large-scale commercial properties full of perishable items that couldn’t stand up to extreme heat? Seeing people on the sidewalks or in their cars around town, I almost get angry thinking that of all these people, only I have bedbugs.
All I can see are people who don’t have bugs, and spaces that don’t have them, and I want the blissful, ignorant freedom of it all. I can’t remember what it was like to not have this at the forefront of my consciousness. A friend of mine has always been super-paranoid about bedbugs, and I used to think how awful it must be to see everything in terms of them. But here I am, exponentially more fixated than she’ll ever be.
So much for not letting this get the better of me…