This morning I woke up with three dime-sized bites on me in random spots, and now I’m crying at my desk at work because I’m scared about bedbugs.  One of the apartments on my floor had them, apparently, so now I’m freaking out that they’re in my apartment and honestly, there is no anxiety like this… I’m mad and scared and panicked all the time.

Tonight I’m going to clean my place from top to bottom and get my super-bright flashlight and look in every crack in every wall, every screw and joint in every piece of furniture, every seam in every sheet and piece of clothing, and then leave my building managers a note asking them to get pest control in here.  It may not be bedbugs–it might be some other bug (they say bedbugs tend to bite in a row, and my spots are one on each arm and one on my neck) but I doubt it, because of that lady.  I’m trying to remind myself that all I can do right now is clean, inspect, and tell the managers–after that, pest control will do its thing and it will either be fixed or not (bedbug elimination is a huge, complicated process that pest control uses as a last resort after they do general spraying for other pests first, so I also worry that if it is bedbugs and they’re not doing the whole shebang right away, the problem will get worse).

There’s so much to worry about… even though three bites isn’t a lot–most people get tons of them if the infestation is bad, so maybe I only have a few bugs?  I hate thinking about it, but it’s all I can think about.  To suddenly have this happen is devastating.  I’m afraid to go to bed.  I fucking hate this.

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